It's 12.20 am, a late-night I know. I was supposed to be sleeping, working (am a night person ), reading a book or any of the stuff that I always do this late. Instead, I can't do any of that, because am currently mentally disturbed and my thoughts are all over the place(not a good feeling).

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You see it's very hard for me to do anything if am disturbed and I guess that is how it works for most of us. I haven't written for so long, and it's actually what I had to do all these days. I just think writing helps to keep me sane in a world full of chaos. Writing helps me to organize my thoughts because trust me there is nothing that is so disturbing like disorganized thoughts.

Well, I plead guilty, because I have been in this situation for some days in a row. And I was supposed to do something about it and I didn't. And the consequences are what made me do this at this time. So I am here writing while listening to Whipped by Shekhinah (one of my recent favorite songs). Well, I had to write because I didn't like where my disorganized thoughts were taking me.

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Well, this started a few weeks ago, where I had a week off because of a family issue, couldn't do anything productive (work and the related)because of the nature of emergency I got and well it disturbed my whole life eco-system. And here is why :

  • I ran out of deadlines thus disappointing myself and some of the people I worked with. And instead of sorting that out I kept postponing stuff and giving excuses to myself. And how did that turn out to be, everything piled up, and kept piling over time creating a large ball of incomplete tasks and disorganized thoughts until I couldn't carry that load anymore.
  • It affected my self-esteem in a way .
  • I got anger issues, not just normal anger issues but very serious anger issues. Some days I would wake up really angry, and sometimes I would get angry for very minor issues. It didn't stop there I got angry at the people around for very weird reasons. "This isn't you Hellen", that's what I said to myself. "Girl, you have to work on this before it gets too late" I further told myself. I admit it felt terrible, everything felt so wrong. I was messed up. Felt so pressured

I always write my stuff to feel more organized, and well I didn't do this as I always do because I thought maybe I will just sort this out in no time. Sadly, I was very wrong.

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And well writing all this right now makes me feel so much better about everything. It's like I am letting it all out. Because if you can't talk about it, then at least talk about it they say. It's good for your mental health.

So what I learnt from all this is that:

  • Letting it out is really important, be it by writing or whatever means you use to organize your thoughts and activities. Just let it out and then sort everything out but first let it all out.
  •  Postponing ain't good. For my case, I kept pushing things forward and I told myself I will take care of them. And time didn't really wait for me, as things kept piling up until I couldn't take it anymore.
  • Having a disturbed mind can make you do some irrational and insane stuff. So avoid being in such a situation as much as possible.

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So this is what we ought to do when you are in such a situation:

  1. Write about everything; your schedule, your worries 
  2. List all the thoughts running in your head and think on how you are  going to handle them
  3. Stop postponing, if something is to be done then you should do it immediately
  4. Plan your  life in every aspect and implement the plan/goals
  5. While scheduling, plans should be kept with timeline, and deadlines and priorities so that everything can be done on time, to avoid this pressure again and to avoid disappointing yourself and the people around you.

P S: Mental Health should be taken seriously as it affects so many aspects of our lives.

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All this being said, am signing out. Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts on this one