Ghosting Sucks. But You Should Probably Know More About It Than That.

Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text.

I am a victim of this, not just once or twice so believe me when I say it sucks. I still don't understand why would someone choose to simply disappear from another person’s life without any explanation or justification.

In today’s world being ghosted has become common, and both women and men do it. Despite how common ghosting is, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who are very emotional, to those people who feel too much of everything.

Ghosting is by no means limited to long-term romantic relationships. Informal dating relationships, friendships, even work relationships may end with a form of ghosting.

Why do people ghost?

People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of mutual social connections for people who met online also means there are fewer social consequences of dropping out of another’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it, and the more likely they are to do it to someone else. - Pschology Today

 

How does it feel to be ghosted?

When someone we love, trust and care about ghosts us it feels like a very deep betrayal.

You feel like an idiot, like you have been played, disrespected. Take the romantics part away, to have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again? That’s painful and really disappointing. No one deserves that and the worst part is realizing that someone didn’t even consider explaining like you don't deserve an explanation.

Going from texting every day and seeing each other a couple of times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why really sucks.

“Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating or friendship can serve up.”

Why does it feel so bad?

Ghosting creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity and confusion. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened.

Ghosting causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character?

This self-questioning is what really sucks. For some when rejection occurs their self-esteem can drop.

If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low, you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful. And it makes you trust people less, and when ghosted deep inside you know that the other person didn't really care.


Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty. It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a cruel tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars. - Psychology Today 

What to do when ghosted?

When someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. You did not do anything wrong. It shows he or she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case, they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him or her go peacefully.

Stop torturing yourself by going over old photos, saved old texts, new social media postings, and anything else you think might give you insight into the mind and current whereabouts of your ghoster, try to find a new distraction. 

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t meant to stay and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.

Don't buy the "am too busy" excuse or the " this is the way I am " excuse. If someone wants to make time for you, they will find a way to and that is the universal truth. If they got time for you before then what changed. We’re all too old and too awesome to play games. If this person is into you, they’ll make it happen. Leave the ghoster to deal with their own immaturity and lack of courage in the context of a relationship.

What to expect after being ghosted? 

After being ghosted one of these is likely to happen  ( Note, all of these are annoying just like ghosting ):

Haunting:  is when a person continues to interact with you on social media after you've stopped seeing each other.
This pattern can seriously mess with your mind. Imagine finally feeling like you're over your ex...then seeing that they've liked an Instagram photo of you and you get are lot of self-questions. Does it mean your ex still misses you?  Why won't they leave you alone?! It's a combination of thoughts virtually guaranteed to throw you off.

Zombieing: is when someone who previously ghosted on you reappears in your life. The difference? If you're being zombied, it's usually more of a throwback This person from your past was out of your life, and now they want back in. (They're coming back from the dead, get it?)

BreadCrumbing:  is "leading somebody on with no intention of following through," often to get attention. This behavior can manifest in a variety of ways: a random text just to "check-in" here, a flirty 2 a.m. Snapchat there. But the breadcrumbs don't lead to actual plans, making this a really frustrating and potentially heartbreaking dating behavior.

Benching: They don't make serious moves to deepen the connection, but they don't extinguish the hope of a future relationship, either. It's like when an athlete is benched during a game: They're not actually playing but they might get put in later if the coach needs them.

Submarining: After an amazing handful of dates with someone, all of a sudden, they disappear. Boom, you've been ghosted. You pick your ego up off the floor only for them to text you weeks later, asking to hang out again as if nothing happened. 

Have you ever been ghosted? , how did it feel like? What happened after the ghosting? Feel free to share your story down below: